Dealing With Anger

“Anger is not an expression of strength. It is an indication of one’s  inability to control his thoughts, words, his emotions. Of course, it is easy to get angry. When the weakness of anger takes over, the strength of reason leaves. Cultivate within yourself the mighty power of self-discipline.”-Gordon B. Hinckley

Whoo-sah! I’m a work in progress for sure. I have an extremely low tolerance for inhumanity and/or viciousness. So, it goes without saying that I feel the same about disrespect and/or rudeness.  I like to think that being an assertive young woman is key to being effective in interpersonal relations. At times, there may be misunderstandings and annoyances. It is a fact of life. Learning to respond to anger calmly and productively will diffuse any unnecessary drama. It takes practice but if we are mindful, we can use these events to better ourselves. I believe that your perception plays a major part in how you interact with another. Choosing to be pessimistic and/or having a negative mindset will almost always lead into a dead-end. I choose to live a life where I commit to practicing kindness daily and although I wouldn’t recommend being passive, I generally shift towards the “glass is half-full” view. When I realize that I am angry, I tend to sit with the feeling first. I make a conscious decision to think about what I am feeling. No action just yet. I can actually feel my neck tense up or my hands clench. Once I decide that I want to act I remind myself that I am not seeking revenge or to regain a sense of power. I want to address the situation with clear intentions. I cannot make it my goal to make another person admit they are wrong. This will only result in a power struggle and it never resolves anything. I try to be sure that I am not in the wrong and choose to stay open to the others’ perspective. In some instances, it may seem nearly impossible to remain level-headed, especially if you find yourself in a situation where you are the recipient of disregard or disdain. I would suggest removing yourself from the situation, taking a walk, choosing to end the phone call, whatever it takes to clear some air. Coming to a solution requires you to own some responsibility and act accordingly. Remember, no one person can make you feel inferior without your consent. I use these cool-down moments to learn what I need. Perhaps it’s a choice to let go of some people or improve in some areas. I accept what it is, own it then act on it. Also, it shows me something useful in what I value, it will help me decide on how to go about things differently. I try my absolute best to be a straight-forward and clear communicator. I like to not only be heard but understood. I extend the same courtesy to another because the fact is when you deal with emotions and have an accusatory nature, it leads to a shut down. We all tend to get self-defensive and as a result, the anger turns from a possible valid grievance to a personal attack on delivery. Don’t become distracted by irrational behavior. Focus on a solution.  I have to ask myself the question” Why is this bothering me so much?” and once I take the step forward to resolve these feelings, I work on forgiveness. It can be the hardest part of any given situation but it is one of the most important. Holding on to anger is a waste of time. It is a waste of your energy and every moment that you spend giving in to being angry, it is causing damage to your mental and emotional health.  It is about a balance of accepting the reality of a situation and still feeling good enough about yourself in the long run. I like to think of myself as this impenetrable fortress, where negativity, “stinkin’ thinkin” is not allowed. Every time I start to feel a thought or a reaction that doesn’t serve me in the best way, I replace it with words that edify. Honor the peace it brings and act in love.up1