Being Alone Doesn’t Mean You Are Lonely

I am currently going through a separation from a 15+ year physically and emotionally abusive relationship. I went through all the expected emotions of anger, resentment, placing blame and feeling like a “victim”.  Once I made the choice to move forward, seek assistance and end the relationship, I was under the impression that I would feel totally amped and be a happy go-lucky ray of everlasting sunshine. At first, just the opposite. I had animosity towards the ‘failed’ relationship, being a single mother and envy towards successful marriages and unions. I went through a period of feeling sorry for myself because I couldn’t understand why I had allowed myself to make such bad choices. Thankfully, as time passes, those days are over! I refuse to let the past determine my present and future. The past is a lesson that I will use to strengthen the person I am becoming. When I decided that I wanted to move on, I had to do so even if others could not understand. You have to live your life for YOU. There’s a major difference between being alone and being lonely. It doesn’t mean I am unloved or somehow the world has deserted me. There is an inner critic within us all and of course there are the usual ‘critics’ of life. You have to learn how to silence the negativity and focus on your purpose. It is healthy to spend time with yourself. Even in a committed relationship,  sometimes you just need to unwind and do something for you. Single women will often get the “lonely” label but you don’t need someone else to complete you. It’s natural to think about having a relationship in the future, if it’s the right decision for you,  but as of right now, it’s actually enjoyable to be in your own company. It’s liberating, take yourself out on a date, listen to music, try a new restaurant. Lonely people aren’t happy with their situation or themselves and I agree it can be difficult but turn it around. If you can just take a moment to realize that although you will have stress, you’re dealing with it and that’s the first step. This brings me to my next fact. There are ideas and interests, things to accomplish. It may not be the time to share these moments with friends and family. You have your own life to live and sometimes that will sincerely mean being alone to get things done and working hard in reaching all the goals you have set for yourself. The need to be around others all the time is a sign that you’re placing your happiness in the hands of others. Wow. Let me be the first to say that was a hard truth I had to face and learning how to eliminate EGO takes giving it all you’ve got. You are in charge of your own happiness. You are in control. Are there moments when you think about desires, companionship, affection? Sure, we all entertain these thoughts but the key is in knowing what is best for your life/situation. Having the discipline to say that you are not ready for the dating world or to choose not to engage in flirting that will lead to miscommunication is perfectly fine. Knowing that your time alone is essential to your personal growth and well-being. What is for you, will ALWAYS be for you. “Being single doesn’t mean that you are weak, it means that you are strong enough to wait for what you deserve”alone3

7 thoughts on “Being Alone Doesn’t Mean You Are Lonely

  1. I love being alone, just divorced not even three months ago, and recently realized that I am happier alone than I was in my twenty year marriage. In that relationship I was truly lonely. As my friends have been telling me, just do you.

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