What If?

What if we did like Regina Belle sang & “Make It Like It Was”?
Where we would sit together and talk, search our eyes for all the answers
Hold one another through the night, growing closer each day. I always wonder if we had made our marriage work, I would not have met the guy who tried to break me down.
You were never an emotional guy more like show & prove, I grew to love that yet I wanted so much more. I craved your emotions, spoken and clear.
I was nineteen, naïve and carefree. We said “I do” yet I never really knew what those vows would mean for me. I tried to emulate what I saw my parents do, cater to my man, be docile and gentle, all the while hiding this fiery side of wit, humor and intelligence.
A part of me felt like I could never truly relax with you, there were secrets on both ends
Until they were forced to be talked about. Blaming, yelling, and running away.
We were both good at this, ignore the issues and let sexual healing lead the way.

What if it’s time to finally love myself? Face my fears and set boundaries.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. What if I choose to take some time to heal and reflect on lessons learned? I’ve never been single, never really knew what I want, like and desire. A soul connection, a bond that can’t be broken. Building and sharing knowledge, goals, and inspiration. Not just a sexual experience but a sacred act of making love between two who have established trust and respect. A shared belief in a higher power that helps us to center and be in service to one another. Taking it s..l..o..w.  What if my soulmate cannot find me because I am busy giving life to things that need to be moved, blocking their path?  What about kismet? I do not want Plan B, I want Plan A, all of God’s best for my life. Career and otherwise. This means I have to put the work in, starting with the wisdom of knowing how to let go, going forward not backwards. No matter how enticing and appealing it may seem, it is a test of patience and will. What if I decide to choose this mission of empowering humanity, to bring a message of peace and unconditional love? To give my word and follow through. Becoming.

What If?

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